JB Handley, El Chingacabra mas grande

(h/t Sister Isis)

There’s a lot of hate-filled douchenozzles in this world, and nothing seems to bring out the hate more than senseless, conspiracy-laden ideologies. But add in violent hatred of women, and soon enough, you’ve got a body count.

Look, I don’t know much about this “anti-vaccine movement” but it looks pretty stupid. Vaccines have saved, what, maybe a HUNDRED FUCKTILLION LIVES over the last couple of centuries, and these goatfucking assclowns think they’re a bad idea based on some science-free alternative belief system. That’s their right.

It’s also the right, and even the responsibility, of journalists like Amy Wallace to call them out.  And what does she get for her troubles?  JB Handley, in a messy fit of self-pleasuring, accuses her of being “mind-raped” by a real doctor who actually knows something about vaccines (but not about “mind-rape” or goat fucking).

This reveals a number of things about JB (dick in my) Handley.  First, if a dude with a skull full of stryo packing peanuts thinks vaccines are a bad idea, I’m all for them.  Second, he thinks women are so incapable of sentience that he thinks some uber-evil mad scientist inseminating her mind was the only way she could have written so purdy.  Finally, resorting to the imagery of rape to describe your female intellectual opponent (not intellectual equal!) reveals a violent contempt for women that likely permeates his every thought and action.

I was pretty worried about the billies, but now I’m gonna have to watch out for the nannies too, because I doubt there’s a female of any species immune from this idiots hatred.

Dylan was wrong

Sometimes there is no shelter from the storm. I think Bob got that though. He understood the illusion of peace. There is no pianissimo—life just isn’t like that. The first movement of Beethoven’s ninth starts pianissimo—so quiet that you might turn up the volume to hear it—and then regret it as he fools you the way a deaf old man might. Not that he could have anticipated a volume rheostat, but I’m sure his audiences got the idea as they held their seats and their ears.

Some hide from their home life at work. Some hide from stultifying, soul-destroying work at home. Others realize that the storm isn’t external. Some drink, but by the time you’ve had enough, it’s tomorrow and your mouth tastes like your ass.

My parents built a fallout shelter in their house, back around the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis. They’re smart—they knew it wouldn’t save them, but the illusion of safety meant something. Americans don’t even have their damn houses anymore. Where are we gonna duck and cover?

Goatfucking assclown blames Obama smear campaign for his own failure

Conservatism is all about “personal responsibility”, right? If you get caught sucking off a stranger in a public restroom you confess your sins publicly and explain why your hypocrisy shouldn’t disqualify you from public office. It’s easy, really.

So here’s my question: why doesn’t ubercons Rush Limbaugh get it? It’s easy, remember? Fornicate, confess, fund raise. But Rush apparently isn’t into it (the personal responsibility thing—I have no idea whether he likes the other stuff, but I hear that opiates decrease sex drive). In his latest dribbling rage, he blames Obama for his inability to buy an NFL team. Now, I don’t understand sports, I don’t care about sports, and I have no idea how one goes about getting “approved” to buy a team. But I’m pretty sure that if a polarizing skidmark like Rush wants to pay to boss around large black men, there could be some controversy.

But those black folk stick together, even mulattoes like Hussein Obama:

“The plot thickens on the media’s character-lynching of Rush Limbaugh. Of the four stories run on ESPN.com about Limbaugh’s bid for the Rams, none of them mention that NFL Players Association Executive Director DeMaurice Smith served as counsel to Attorney General Eric Holder and was a member of Barack Obama’s transition team.”

Wow. I get it. Big black dudes found out that brilliant football legend Limbaugh was going to buy their team, called up their rep (who is probably also dark-skinned, right?) who called up the US Attorney General who called up the President of the United States, who had nothing better to do but send out the bat signal to deny Rush’s request to buy a team.

Suck it up, Rush. You are a public figure who says a lot of controversial and hateful shit. You’re allowed to, but if other people don’t want to associate with you, don’t blame the President.

Dear Asshat:

Dear Asshat (if that is your real name),

Humor is a powerful tool, and an even more powerful weapon. Like many weapons, if wielded carelessly it can cause more damage than intended (“jokes don’t kill people, people kill people”).

It is natural to feel threatened when someone points out that your casual acceptance of misogynist norms is, well, misogynist. A mensch would say, “Oh, my bad. I guess I have more to learn so that I may better get along with half the human race.” But an asshat is of course not a mensch. An asshat might have a more defensive reaction, something like, “your condemnation makes me uncomfortable, so I will now man the trenches and dig my skull further into my rectum.”

Lucky for you human beings are forgiving and willing to try to teach the seemingly unteachable. In my previous post, I used reasonably small words, and if you were to re-read them and pretend to be someone with lady-bits and all that entails, you may learn something that benefits both you and the people around you.

Sincerely,

A sad syphilitic

I can tell you’re a mom by your chubby breasts which no longer excite me

Some Swedish dude with a blog thinks he can tell a mommie from an infertile whore by how skinny and hot the whore is. He’s pretty sure mommies are fat milch cows, and while that’s just who you want making babies in your house, you definitely want a young skinny bitch on the pill when it’s time to get down to business, if you know what I mean.

You gotta go read it. He’s a genius.

Glenn Beck’s Hero’s Gallery

Truth, justice, and the American way, baby.

A smoking, er, gun!

I don’t know if Glenn Beck sodomizes chickens. I mean, I can’t imagine why he would, but he hasn’t denied it. I’ve recently received a piece of evidence that should not go unchallenged.

What Glenn Beck is (probably) not doing

Glenn Beck enraptured---artist's representation

I’m pretty sure that Glenn Beck did not rape and murder a woman in 1990

The evidence is pretty thin. It could have been someone called “Glen Beck”, or it might have been a girl rather than a woman, or it might have been in 1992. We may never know for sure since Beck hasn’t sacked up and told the truth.

But it’s possible the whole thing is just a big lie. Hopefully Beck will finally come out with the truth.

I suspect the real truth is far uglier. I heard from something I think I remember on the internet that Glenn actually prefers livestock. Fortunately our goats are safe, but this website (I forget the address) says that he definitely fucks chickens. They are smaller and easier to control than goats or people, and you can always use the eggs.

So what about it Glenn? Do you deny sodomizing chickens?

Poll