Dumbest. Blog. Ever.

September 5, 2011

So, my sometimes-friend pointed me in the direction of some blog I’d never heard of, and it’s so hilarious you have to go read it.  It’s got some occasionally non-hilarious stuff, like posts reminding us that even Marxists can be victims/perpetrators of partriarchal norms.

But its also full of of some high-octane wackaloonery which is entertainment par excellence.  For example, this exchange that occurred during one of the internet’s usual arguments about circumcision:

Clarissa: I don’t think anybody is likely to get an STD when one is a newborn. At least, unless we are talking about families of pedophiles. So I don’t really see the point of bringing up STDs in the context of newborn boys.

SciLiz: So is it wrong, from a public health standpoint, to vaccinate 9 year old girls with the HPV vaccine because they aren’t sexually active yet?

Clarissa: I am profoundly opposed to the HPV vaccine.

SciLiz: Why? (full disclosure- my best friend from grade school got cervical cancer at age 21; my best friend from grad school researched HPV- although not on the vaccine. It is possible I am not terribly impartial on this issue)

Clarissahttp://clarissasblog.com/2010/04/30/why-im-against-the-hpv-vaccine/ (Summary: Patriarchy sees women as inherently icky and diseased and in need of being modified to help maintain control and ultimately the patriarchy.  Feel free to correct me if I’ve got that wrong.)

SciLiz: Uhm, hate to break it to you. but it’s an HPV vaccine. Not a cervix vaccine. The pathology is the (nasty, excessively mess-with-your-cell-cycle strains of the) virus.  I don’t see how the HPV vaccine is “pathologizing” women anymore than the measles vaccine is “pathologizing” children. Also, they are now recommending it for boys as well. Or are you pro-anal cancer?

Clarissa: I’m against the unhealthy American dependence on medication.

SciLiz: And I’m against cancer. I win.

That would have normally been hilarious enough, with SciLiz winning the internets, but the retort deserves some deconstruction:

Clarissa:  This country has been addicted to guzzling down meds for three generations already. And there is still as much cancer as ever. I understand that people want to assuage their anxiety about cancer this way but there are less unhealthy, non-chemical, non-invasive ways of doing that.

As is usual in such exchanges, people have a tendency to let their anger lead them to places of profound ignorance.  The points enumerated by Clarissa are wrong and idiotic:

  • Addicted to guzzling down meds: what does this statement even mean?  That pneumonia patients are addicted to antibiotics and should suck it up?
  • There is still as much cancer as ever: reminds me of the “then why are there still monkeys” retort.  There is still a lot of cancer in the world.  We have gotten very good at preventing and treating many cancers (you have to follow that link deep into the article).
  • People don’t want to “assuage their anxiety about cancer”; they want to not get cancer, and here’s where she fails to understand some fundamentals of medicine and feminism simultaneously.

One thing the HPV vaccine does is give a little control back to women.  A woman who has sex may or may not be given a choice to have sex.  Additionally, she may or may not be given a choice to use a condom.  She is never given a choice about being raped.

The HPV vaccine prevents a sexually transmitted cancer, allowing women to feel just a tiny bit safer.  Would it be better if women had complete control over every sexual encounter?  Of course.  Should we punish a woman for not having that control?   Or for choosing not to use a condom?  Or for her significant other fooling around on her without her knowledge? (HPV affects women who exclusively have sex with women too.)

Anyway, if it weren’t for such netertainment, I’m not sure what I’d do with my otherwise meaningless life.  Cheers.


March 3, 2011

According to some sources, as many of a quarter of Americans admit to being Republicans.  No one knows just how many of these Republicans are gay, but there  are whole groups of homosexuals admitting to Republicanism, which raises some important questions.

Given that the core of the GOP hates gays, as manifested by trying to criminalize their relationships and their acts of intimacy, the question naturally arises, do people choose to be Republicans or are they born that way?

Parental influence can have a dramatic impact, especially during the development of political ideas.  As kids start to get that itch about things seeming fair or unfair, they look to their parents who may shame them for showing pity on their fellow human beings as they eat fois gras at the club house brought to them by a waiter of questionable immigration status working for the right to sleep on a palate in the garage.

They may try to hide their Republican urges as they come into greater conflict their sexual identity, but, while this may set up a bit of cognitive dissonance in young gay Republicans, they can see which side of the toast points their caviar is on.

Some would say that the very existence of gay Republicans proves that Republicanism must be congenital, as no rational person would make such a choice, but we all know people are not necessarily rational.  They may choke down a couple of martini’s at a 1200/plate cocktail party for their favorite closet case running for office, but inside, they hurt.  They are sad that they were born Republican, and they sense that it is wrong.  And this is where the choice comes in.

While they may have been born Republican, as human beings they have free will, and they can choose to be free of the burden, the prejudice of being a Republican.  They can be put into programs, repairative programs, to force them away from their natural dirty inclinations.

To you gay Republicans, I say to you, know there is hope.  There is a way out of the darkness.  Simply reach out, and someone will take your hand (in a really “I’m-not-gay” kind of way).

Cui bono? Fuck you.

February 18, 2011

Who stands to benefit the most from an improved economy? Is it John Boehner, whose party was put into power on a ballot of White Fright? I’m pretty sure he’ll do fine no matter what the economy does.  Is is Rush Limbaugh?  That idiot gets richer no matter how the economy does, as long as he keep spewing hate and paranoia.

No, an improved economy helps the poorest.  More jobs, more taxes to support education and other public services, improved public transit to get people to jobs, affordable health care—all of these things disproportionately help the poor.

What about tax cuts?  The richest generally pay more, and even though they can damned well afford it, they hold onto every penny as if someone were trying to pull their tonsils out through their assholes.  Tax cuts don’t help the poor.

What about inflation?  The rich are always complaining about it, but it’s the poor who pay a larger percentage of their income on goods and services.  Inflation kills the poor, and the rich can sit around and complain that their savings aren’t worth quite as many millions.

So when Republicans like Boehner say that we have to halt spending, that cutting taxes and entitlements are the only way to help the economy, what he is saying is that poor people are too fucking stupid to understand basic economics.  Since we know that poor people are just as smart as rich people, the GOP has to add the patina of fear to The Threat to White People’s Way of Life so that smart but ignorant poor crackers will vote for conservatives, people who are pledged to fuck poor people until they bleed.

Is this still on?

February 4, 2011

So I’ve been gone for a while, and I’m not telling you why.  You can decide for yourself if I was doing a deuce upstate, making soy cheese on a trantric yoga commune, or just too drunk to give a shit.  But I got a little pissed off when I saw that a coalition of goatfucking misogynists is planning a concerted and well-coordinated campaign to end any public funding of Planned Parenthood.

Here’s the deal, assholes.  When you have an embryo in your own uterus, you get to decide what to do with it, not me or anyone else.  It’s none of your damned business, and if it bothers you so much, stick to fucking goats and it’ll never be an issue.

Let them not eat…

March 3, 2010

What the fuck is wrong with people?  I’m sitting at a coffee shop and I hear a couple of people talking about the unemployment extension that passed last night, no thanks to some goatfucker from Kentucky (he is a pitcher, you know).  One of them says, “Well, they passed that unemployment thing,” and the other says, “yeah, what the fuck?  Like thirty days is going to make a difference?  What’s thirty days? What’s the point?  They going to have to find a job sooner or later anyway.”

What a heartless, douchehuffing mamzer. “What’s the point?!?”  Maybe the point is putting food on the table.  Maybe the point is being able to say to your kid, “go ahead and have seconds; we have enough.  We might not next month, but we do today.”

Maybe people who say stupid-ass shit like that should give their jobs to people on unemployment and try it out for a few months.

The most important post you will ever fucking read

February 9, 2010

Imagine this: you  live on some hypothetical planet with some hypothetical bipedal sentient beings.  Some of these  beings (we’ll call them “gumans” for the sake of argument) have domesticated a certain bearded tetrapod, called, for the sake of argument, “roats”.  Some gumans will use them for the secretions from their mammary glands, or for their (tough) meat.  Others may use them for certain “capral” pleasures.

Imagine further that the roats are very useful animals of unknown sentience (they cannot speak other than muttering a useless warble).  Now, some gumans will think, “roats may be sentient, but they are tasty”, and other gumans will think, “roats are very nice and I like their mammary secretions and by using this stuff I can help roats live longer.”

Others will want to have capral pleasure with the roats, and think nothing of it.

Now, lets say that some of these gumans invent an “enternet”, a form of electronic communication used mostly for masturbation of various kinds, but also for the dissemination of roat-knowledge.  Let’s say that one guman has a “rlog” on which she writes about roat-lore, and includes, simply for educational purposes, roat-fucking.  Let’s say some of her “kommenters”, many of whom love roats, use this information to improve their capral knowledge of roats.

Is the rlogger responsible for the roat-buggery?

Something to think about.

A threat to our culture

February 5, 2010

Jingoistic shitbags often complain about the dilution of Real American Culture ™ by invading hordes of Mexicans, Jive Talking Negroes, Pushy Jews, and the like. What they’ve failed to anticipate is a new threat, one that cannot be stopped by border fences, draconian immigration laws, English-only statutes, or restrictive housing covenants.

That’s right, it’s l33t, being pumped right into your home, and you may not even know it. Even after you’ve installed every sort of porn filter on the family “computing machine” your children are “chatting” with each other in a new language, and forming a new culture.  Like all invading hordes, they should be feared and ridiculed, but most importantly, they must be oppressed.  The interwebs must be assimilated, and therefore it is our mission, as red-blooded ‘mercuns to stamp out the “l33tsters” before they try to take over our culture with video games and porn.


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